There she stands looking at herself in the mirror, stalking up and down her body with her own eyes like a hungry hippo and he can’t quite work out why it doesn’t look right. She only bought it a couple of years ago and it looked great on then. It was her favourite Bring Me The Horizon t shirt and the only one not soiled by beer stains and indignity. She turned to me and asked if she thought it had lost its shape.
As I looked up with fake consolation and shook my head knowing full well it had nothing to do with the t-shirt and certainly nothing to do with the still brilliant Bring Me the Horizon. It has a lot to do with the bulking mass of blubber that had gathered around her stomach. Now there’s little you can do when your girlfriend doubles in size in almost two years. You support her you’re enabling, you tell the truth and you’re a hurtful jerk and I was awoken from my own trance as she burst my concentration with the words ‘it’s still comfortable though’ and well it seems comfort is something worth hanging onto for this girl right now.
I can see her perching funny, swaying backward and forward as though if she leans one way or the other the weight will somehow shift to her breasts or ass but I fear she will topple over anytime soon and she’ll need my help to yank herself up and she’ll be stranded for days. You can see her back starting to ache as she continue to pout into her reflection trying to act all sexy and sophisticated. She bunches her dark, curly hair on the top of her head and I swear she’s been watching Pretty Woman trying to act like a reformed hooker in her BMTH t shirt and it’s just not working.
What Next For The Girl With the Bring Me The Horizon T Shirt On
I’m still feeling awkward as she asks me if I think this is a good look for her and in my head I’m wanting to say ‘yeah if hairy pregnant biker is what you’re going for’ but instead I nod along making just enough of an approving sound to not bring suspicion but not enough to confirm at a later date that I actually agreed and lied to her about looking like she had a hairy beach ball stuffed down her shirt and shorts.
She then tries to perfect he walk like she’s auditioning for a role as crack fiend in the new TV series of some girls just can’t work it as she stumbles from heel to heel and it’s all too much. As she piles the bright red lipstick on she waddles over to me and licks her lips as she almost tears that Bring Me The Horizon t-shirt apart at the seams. I recoil and fall back and brace myself for that moment every week I simply can’t bear when I feel her hulking weight on top of me and then.............suddenly my alarm goes off!
It was all a dream, a terrible nightmare, my girlfriend is lying next to me and she’s still tight still hot and none of it was real. The moral of the story is if you love BMTH then don’t worry you will always get hot girls. If you can rock and it and mosh and enjoy their great music then you will meet so many hot girls who are into the same thing you’ll never have to have your own beach whale because we all love Bring Me the Horizon and we all love girls and if you like both the only time you’ll ever live my nightmare is in your dreams too.
If you've not been scared off by that tale and want to find out more about the incredible Bring Me The Horizon then you can visit their official website http://www.bringmethehorizon.co.uk/